"Knowledge without know-how is sterile. We use the word 'academic' in a pejorative sense to identify this limitation."

"Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child."

"Patience is the key to content."

"I don't visit my parents often because Delta Airlines won't wait in the yard while I run in."

"If you're a misfit within a group of misfits, does that mean you're actually popular and normal?"

"Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it."

"Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."

"A good End cannot sanctifie evil Means; nor must we ever do Evil, that Good may come of it."

"War is one of the scourges with which it has pleased God to afflict men."

"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing."

"Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful."

"Women should be obscene and not heard."