"When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not."

"Violence is a tool of the ignorant."

"Funny is an attitude."

"The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down."

"You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine."

"The devil made me do it."

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals. Except the weasels."

"If you are ruled by mind you are a king; if by body, a slave."

"The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb."

"Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another."

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."

"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it."