"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."

"Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country."

"I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes."

"Intelligence is nothing without delight."

"If you are not a psychiatrist, stay away from idiots. They are too stupid to pay a layman for his company."

"I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could."

"You live and learn. Or you don't live long."

"RANSOM, n. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller, nor can belong to the buyer. The most unprofitable of investments."

"[Drink] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance."